in the most unusual way, you came. two days of non-stop flirtation over the phone. this isn't new but it's totally different from all the one's i had.
i do not want to jump right off the cliff and be in the abyss of love that you are offering. it's very early for that. i do not want to commit the same mistakes. the excitement of seeing you on saturday hovers me... the thought of it clears all the blur i'm in.
it isn't wrong to hope. dream. imagine. i'm just afraid that everything will wound up the same, and i can't afford another one. (i said this the last time, but ill go ahead and hope, dream and imagine. worse comes to worse there's always vodka)
giving it a try won't be so bad. so let's go ahead and do it. a friend told me to expect the worse so i won't be disappointed of what i'm about to experience and that's what i will do.
we have laid some of our cards already... the aces are still hidden, do i wait till saturday to reveal those? or i'll lay one by one everyday till saturday comes? it feels like i'm suddenly back to having all my first. there's excitement, fear and cynicism. maybe it's good. maybe it isn't.maybe i will just ramble to wherever it leads me. and hope that this is really it. the one i'm looking for, the one i need.
written june 18, 2007
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